I must remember that I am their teacher

It has occurred to me recently that I have forgotten what an important role I have as a teacher in my children's lives. The role of caring both practically and emotionally remains fairly obvious to me, but that of teacher somehow slips fairly easily out of view. I don't know about you, but sometimes I get exasperated with my children for not being exactly how I want them to be. I somehow expect them to just 'get' things that I no longer have to think much about because at some point they became a habit. Today my middle poppet had a friend around to play. I was getting rather frustrated that she wasn't engaging properly with her friend, making sure that her friend was doing something that she enjoyed and that she was feeling welcome (surely watching the telly is not an ideal playdate!). I then realised that I hadn't actually talked to her about the importance of making people feel welcome and how to be hospitable.  Or even how to be a good friend. It needs to be part of my role to teach her such things, I can't just blame her for not getting it!

Each of our children, with their different personalities, will find some things easier than others. I can see that my boy (2) has a more natural 'tidy gene' than my older poppets. It will still need to be nurtured, but I think order will come more easily to him, its just who he is. Some children seem to just 'get' habits and routines, others just don't. I remember being genuinely amazed when a little girl who was having a sleepover asked if she could brush her teeth. She asked all by herself! "Wow, I didn't know that sort of thing happened!" I thought to myself. I however am still working on the old toilet flushing thing. When I say 'I', I obviously mean teaching my children to form the habit. The Vicarage has a lot of folk coming in and out, its kind of important to me that they get this habit. (Confession: meeting currently going on in lounge, just did quick reckie of loo, all fine, phew!).  I know I have told them a zillion times, about a zillion different things (washing hands, tidying bedroom, table manners, not sucking thumb/hair/clothes etc etc, not dawdling and time wasting, doing homework... the list could go on!) that they have to do or stop doing, and I can be known to get rather frustrated about it, but perhaps I have forgotten to talk to them about the why of things ( when I do this I might even realise that somethings aren't actually as important as I thought!!). Perhaps my teaching methods (verbally repeat repeat repeat! Blow up and hit roof occasionally!) are missing the mark and I need to stop and think a bit more creatively about how to engage with them. Perhaps I need to understand their perspective a bit more ( how will they know they have to hurry up because we are late, if they can't read the time... I'll need to teach them the time then!)

Somehow I need to take this aspect of my parenting role more seriously because there is a lot I need to teach my kids that I can't leave to chance, and that a lot of the world would want to teach differently. Particularly important to me is what they are learning spiritually. I love what my kids are learning at children's church and church clubs, it is  immensely valuable and I am so grateful for it. However, I cannot consider it job done, because the main role is mine (alongside the Vicar). We are their primary spiritual teachers. We need to be talking to them about who God is, how to relate to Him, teaching them how to read the bible and pray. Helping them create habits that will draw them closer to God who loves them. Teaching them how to be a disciple and live it. Our lives need to reflect and model everything we value to them. And so does our speech, how we honour others, how we forgive and love. I live in my head a lot, my head is always busy and I can quite easily forget to speak. I need to remember that explaining my actions might help them to see that my faith affects my behaviour.  To let them know that I am praying about this or that, and getting them to join me. Mainly my 'sit down' times of prayer and bible study happen when they are asleep, early in the morning ( it is hard to preempt them though to be honest!) or in the evening. They don't really see me read the bible much. They don't really see that I have a habit that is important to me. Perhaps I need to make it  more obvious to them.

Today my middle poppet was relieved to find a favourite cassette tape she thought she had lost. She said to me ' I need to keep my desk tidy because then I wouldn't loose my tapes' ( a Hallelujah moment!). Ahhh, yes, a small step in the right direction. Parenting is a long slow process, but little steps of progress can be seen, especially if we look for them. I need to be more ok with that. And I need to remember that I am their teacher (among many other roles!), they were born needing to be taught, and that is part of the role God has given me.

What are you dreaming about?

A couple of days ago I took some time to write down my dreams. I had been watching a DVD that was teaching on how God wants us to fulfil our dreams. I have to confess that slightly stretches my understanding of God's plan for our lives, which I have always taken to be rather serious, with not a lot of fun thrown in. This understanding of God rather reflects my own personality, I can be rather functional and serious about things! So, I'm in the process of trying to figure out more of God's personality. I keep being surprised by phrases like "He will take great delight in you". As a mother, I know what it is to really delight in my child, and it, has so much positive emotion in it. We are to "Be joyful always", surely that shouldn't always be serious! I have read these verses many times before but through my rather serious mindset, and I somehow dismissed the emotion that goes with them. I find it much easier to latch onto words like 'sacrifice' and 'die to self'. They're all in Scripture, so I must continue my exploration of understanding who God is. He is much more beyond my understanding than I can comprehend, phew for that!

Anyway, the challenge was to write down 100 dreams, so I thought I would give it a go. I put aside my concerns that my dreams might not be from God, thinking that He would help me fulfil the ones He had in mind for me, and started writing. "Are these in order of importance?" the Vicar asked later (No.3 - to have a flat stomach. No. 5 - to see my children really loving God) "Er, no, they're just coming as they are coming".

Quickly I realised that I was going to struggle to find 100 dreams, I was chewing my pencil end after number 13! Perhaps this stage of my life has done this for me, so responsible for others, my life fitted around their's to the point there is not much time to dream just for me. I'm ok with that, it is the time of life. But the Lord says "without a vision the people perish", so it is wise to try to keep dreaming. I'm currently up to 25 dreams written down. I love the fact that I have to have a good old ponder and find a few more, to search my depths and discover more of who I am. There is something about the act of writing them down that brings them to life, and makes me take them more seriously (there I go again, so serious! Nb. dream No. 18 is to laugh a lot!). Mainly, its up to me to get on and do them. Lots of them are attainable if I put my head to it, some of them easily so (No. 8 - to walk regularly in the forest), others will take a bit more work (No. 9 - to run a half marathon), some will require a bit more God intervention (No. 2 - to be able to sing again. I love to worship, but woe be tide the person standing next to me. My voice packed up after my third pregnancy, can't even lead the playgroup singing any more, and I used to sing in a worship band years ago, honestly, its embarrassing!). I have no dreams about owning a big house (I'm blessed to live in one already though!) or cottages by the sea (I have a caravan, and can't imagine being happier in anything else, I get to change the view, sooo cool! I really love my caravan!). I don't dream about owning more material stuff, although I do have a few dreams about getting rid of stacks of clutter (although if I'm honest I would love a big blackboard for my kitchen, and my Christmas list is carefully taking shape, so I'm definitely not without my material desires, h'mm, actually No. 26 - huge blackboard for the kitchen, No. 27 - some Cath Kidston tea spoons, soo cute!). Lots of my dreams are to do with the dearest people in my life, the Vicar and my children, to be really unified and connected. I love that. I love them. I dream about knowing God more, and being a better friend. Some are about what I feel God has called me to, to connect the church with the community, I need to keep dreaming about those, because my time is coming.

My dreams reflect a lot of who I am, my values and priorities. Writing them down and has made me remember them, and reminded me to seize the day ( I went for a run this morning, you won't have seen me, I only go when there is no one around!). I still have 73 dreams to think about, so I'm going to take a lovely hot bath ( the best place to dream I find, and the Vicar often hears from God in the bath, something about being still me thinks), humbly offer my dreaming to God and have a good old dream. I want a few more impossible dreams, because nothing is impossible with God, and a few more fun ones, just for, well, fun! And you, what are you dreaming about?

Thanks for reading!

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